Will the Velveeta Brand Melt into Laughter?

What do you think of when you hear the word Velveeta? Me too, childhood — complete with piping hot Campbell’s tomato soup — and perfectly melted grilled cheese sandwiches. Later in life, at least for me, came liquid gold and RO*TEL queso dip, usually on weekend game days. And, my daughter might add to the Velveeta memory mix, perfectly smooth shells and cheese.

Velveeta can conjure up some less than innocent and charitable thoughts too. Eventual trips to the doctor. Perhaps cardiac stents. And, even probing medical questions like, is that yellow loaf or brick really cheese? Turns out, it’s technically not real cheese, rather the box even calls it “Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product.” What does that even mean?

Yet, Kraft apparently has felt no shame, remorse, or even second thoughts in continuing to maintain the original 1923 Velveeta trademark registration for “cheese,” despite an FDA warning letter some fifteen years ago that apparently led to the more accurate “Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product” appellation.

As a trademark type though, and putting aside the interesting trademark abandonment question of whether Kraft actually uses the Velveeta mark in connection with the recited goods, “cheese” — the notion of a coined trademark comes to mind with Velveeta too. The kind of trademark that is invented, or let’s say, made up, or produced for the exact purpose of functioning as a trademark indication of source.

Some other examples of coined marks include Exxon, Rolex, and Google. Some call those types of marks the gold standard since they are the strongest trademarks along the Spectrum of Distinctiveness. They are often singular in meaning, and ripe for dilution protection.

So, imagine my surprise seeing a “room” dedicated to Velveeta, as I walked 6th Street with one of my sons, this past weekend, in Austin, Texas, inspiring me to capture the image shown above to further document and discuss it: The Velveeta Room.

My surprise was especially fine-tuned since the apparently-non-eponymously named room did not appear — at least, on the surface — to be promoting liquid gold, yellow bricks, golden loafs, queso, or even shells and cheese, much less the almost century old Velveeta “cheese” brand or distinctive box.

Mind you, there was a day when Kraft appeared to give a serving of some serious trademark enforcement attention to the likely famous Velveeta trademark, even when the target showed up selling comedy as opposed to calories.

Back in the day, circa 1993, Kraft opposed registration of Blue Velveeta for “entertainment services in the nature of comedy and musical acts.” It appears the improv act melted away in the mid-90s — not sure whether it was voluntary or not.

The Velveeta Room apparently began around the same time as Blue Velveeta, circa 1988. Perhaps either of their fans can help explain their branding, because I’m at a loss. Did the improv group or does the comedy lounge specialize in cheesy humor? Pasteurized jokes? Fake laughter and chuckles? Or perhaps, unhealthy routines and the need for medical attention?

The irony has not escaped me that the Velveeta product was invented to solve the problem of “broken cheese” and the Velveeta brand and trademark was invented or coined to identify, distinguish, and indicate the source of an engineered — or to some, fake cheese product.

It remains to be seen whether the Velveeta trademark registration is itself “broken,” whether the brand simply melts away over the next century, whether its meaning will further evolve and blend into a smoothly-delivered butt of jokes, or whether Kraft will laugh all the way to the bank.

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